Holes

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It’s a wonderfully warm, crisp, colorful, Colorado summer day with endless blue skies and gorgeous sunshine everywhere. I have some time and there’s lots to say so then, why am I not quite feeling it? I’m no genius, but lately it seems like everywhere I turn, there’s another a-hole to deal with.

They block progress not so much intentionally but in passive, indirect, lack-of-support, ways. It reminds me of those assessment tests you took back in the day with those double negative or, true by omission questions. You know the type; “On Monday, Joe enters the elevator on the 3rd floor with 4 other people. On the 5th floor, two people wearing baseball caps enter and one with red tennis shoes exits. What’s the probability that someone exiting the elevator on the 7th floor brushed with minty-flavored floride toothpaste during the full moon?  Drives me nuts.

Being sort of a generalist maximizing time and resources, I find when directness leaves the building, things tend to drag on needlessly and get unnecessarily complicated.  A-holes live to complicate and meddle where they are both not needed and nor wanted.

For years I would talk with friends about these sorts of things and they would challenge me to write my thoughts in a blog. While that sounded good, I didn’t think I really had anything to say. After all, I’m just a gal who has been a terrific achiever of others’ expectations most of my adult life. Wait, what?

Doesn’t everyone have something to say? Maybe I’m just out of touch with my own wants and desires? Sound familiar? How I can affect positive change? So let's start with awareness.

Not just that guru-ish type of awareness where you try desperately to flood your mind with white space in order to hear your calling all the while wondering if you remembered to turn in that expense report.

Well, boy howdy give me a dope slap since it went totally over my head for years. After a little soul-searching and being open to accept and be grateful for the love and encouragement of real friends, I now understand that the artist in me is ready to appear, has permission to show herself and best of all, to ship.

I’m on a journey is to uncover my art and help others learn to see in the process. I want to share my experiences through images and words with women in particular.  I run across so many women who seemingly have done everything right and end up with the short end of the stick over and over again. Is it fair? Probably not. 

It’s the same old story - you work hard, follow all the rules, you even sacrifice a whole litany of things (career moves, freedom, finances) along the way and, for what?  To turn 50 with a big fat, ‘we won’t be needing your services anymore’ or, ‘I really think it’s time for me to move on from this relationship’ or, ‘thanks mom but you just don’t understand.’  Does any of this ring true? Sound familiar?

Well, the way I see it, we have choices. Sure it’d be easy for me to fold it up, get depressed and end up more wrought with self-doubt and guilt. Erode my self-esteem and confidence. But is that really going to solve anything in the long run? 

I think it makes more sense to learn from the past and give yourself permission to move full speed ahead from right where you are today. Free the Artist from within.

Allison Towe